Those are just a few of the words I feel right now. Today. This week.
Last Saturday I ran my first half marathon. It was hard. But it was also glorious. Despite illness, injury, and even incomplete training, I was determined to run the race. I've been trying to think of why the race was so important to me and here are a few reasons that have been returning to mind:
1) Money: I'd invested in a nice pair of running shoes. I'd purchased a few pieces of exercise clothing. I'd spent money on a hotel. I'd registered for the race already.
2) Friends: I had friends who were doing it! Friends who had run half marathons. I wanted to be a part of "that" club. I wanted to be as accomplished as they were.
3) Time: I had invested a TON of time into preparing for this race. Not as much there at the end as I would have liked, but it was a 6 month endeavor. I didn't want all that time to be wasted. And not that exercising in general is ever a waste, but I started it all with that end in mind, and I just needed to see that my time worked towards something.
4) Goal: I've always want to run a half marathon. I've never been a runner, per se. I played soccer all growing up and I'd like to think that someday it'll be a part of my life again, but it just hasn't been. Finding something I can do consistently has been a goal of mine. And running, preparing, for a half marathon fit more than one ticket.
5) Fitness: This race was just 2 weeks shy of my baby's 1 year birthday. That meant within the year I lost my baby weight and then some. I have loved how in shape I feel. My clothes fit great; I feel great. It makes me not want to stop. Ah, the double edged sword of being fit! ;)
6) Health: For some, health and fitness might be basically the same thing. For me, at least at this point in my life, they are different. Again, just 2 weeks shy of my baby's birthday, I am anticipating celebrating his birth; thoughts of his birth are more frequently on my mind. His birth was not a pleasant experience. I worried about my health for months afterwards. A friend advised me, even casually, not to worry, to just be as healthy as I could be. How true. So, I knew I needed to lose weight. I knew I needed more healthy habits (what to eat, how to listen to my body, being more active). Training for this race gave me a reason, a schedule, a purpose that helped me achieve my health goals.
I am so very proud of myself for running this race. I know I absolutely could not have done it without support from my husband, who despite his crazy busy schedule made time for me to do my long runs, to do my cross training and always encouraged me; my friends who ran with me, or watched my kids so I could go to the podiatrist, or just asked how my training was doing; my random running buddy at 5:30 in the morning so I could still train even when Justin had to leave by 7:00a.m.; my children who knew what I was doing and it was their joy at seeing me finish the race (even though they weren't actually there at the finish line...) that kept me going those last 2 miles. It's amazing how many people it takes for one person to do their best.
I'm grateful for support, proud of my effort, mostly, though, I think I feel safer. I know my health is better, I know that I can do hard things. I know that even when it hurt, when I felt like crying, when I felt like stopping, I was not alone (my running buddy was there!), that I had people cheering me on, that I could keep going, that I could finish what I started. I feel like the race has simple parallels to religious truths. I am never alone. I never have to do it on my own. I will never be given something I can't handle, even if I can't handle it yet. I know that physically, mentally, even emotionally I am in better condition to handle what God has in store for me. And for that I am grateful.
Crossing the Finish Line was more than a personal accomplishment for the race, but also a personal triumph that even though my body struggled to function properly one year ago during delivery, it's not tainted to fail, or predetermined to malfunction, or programmed to have problems, or forced to struggle through every difficult feat. I ran the race. My body ran the race. My mind ran the race. And my heart ran the race. I know I can do it again. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Phil 4:13
I'm still running my life race. It is painful. It is hard. It is joyful. It is fulfilling. It is rewarding. It is good.
